


Purple Stripes

by Maximus_Prime



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Anxiety, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, M/M, Modern Character, Ninja, Other, Panic Attacks, Reincarnation, Ronin - Freeform, Samurai, Swords, Trans Character, Trans Haku, anxious Rin, guy in a girls boy, no beta we die like men, ronin rin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21786592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maximus_Prime/pseuds/Maximus_Prime
Summary: Having the face of a dead girl is disconcerting enough without everything else in this world chasing after you.Maybe you could just hide in some nowhere village?.....who are you even kidding?! Like hell with this luck!
Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Sarutobi Asuma/Yuuhi Kurenai
Comments: 155
Kudos: 834
Collections: A Collection of Beloved Inserts, SelfInserts OCs Reincarnation and Time Travel, The Best of SI  Oc Fics





	1. The Not so Walking Dead

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [like a river](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20637614) by [Millarca](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Millarca/pseuds/Millarca). 
  * Inspired by [An Uchiha's love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15081401) by [UnknownRegion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnknownRegion/pseuds/UnknownRegion). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like a dirt bath to get one going, ay?

Crawling out of a used grave is horror material enough, let alone when it's your own. You remember that particular dirt bath with haunting clarity. And your not even sure if it is yours after all. It was a neat, simple, but neglected little thing. Someone made it with loving care only to never return.

You remember dying. You remembered it for at least a good 3 hours or so. Panic attacks, not fun. Lighting storms will forever make you twitch.

Looking round all you gather is that your in a forest. Your everything hurts and your chest stings with a throbbing pain. Looking down at yourself with some sense of coherency you see... not your clothes.

Huh.

Your in a torn, grubby black kimono styled shirt, a not so white anymore apron skirt thingy and black black pants.

Its also got blood everywhere.

Fumbling for the opening of the kimono shirt and wrenching it open you look down at jagged scars. Lightening scars.

Oh boy

Not a good thing, indeed.

Shuffling the kimono closed you look around again, there's still just a abundance of trees, but hey, there could have been bears, or grave robbers.

Standing shows to be a long winded task. Pins and needles are everywhere, you can't really feel your limbs well. You strongly resist the dizzy spell and sit still for a moment hoping it would stop.

—————

Starting is the hardest part, but you have a decent pace and looking ahead there's a river. The sky is darkening and you start to feel the mortality of your soul.

You don't like it.

Reaching the river you plop down on its banks and look blearily at the setting sun. Maybe there shelter nearby? No, wishful thinking. Probably.

Glancing down you freeze. A pale face stares back at you. Medium brown hair, dark brown eyes and purple striped cheeks.

The actual fuck.

You feel the acid burning in your throat, you don't stop it this time.

The image of Rin Nohara turns a shade of sickly green.


	2. Riverside Drama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short

Nope, nope nopity nope nope, this isn't possible! Please! Oh god oh god-! Your throat burns, tears rain down your face. Is it even yours?

You feel so very sick.

The rest of your day is spent curled up at the river, a ball of messy, tear streaked, emotional drama ready to explode if given another chance.

So, yeah, really not great.

———————

You'd rechecked yourself some time later. It was all very, Rin. Especially under the pants. While not surprising, a part of you wishes that had been different.

At least she was naturally flat?

The only other changes from the cannon appearance was the lightening scars that spiralled over -now- your chest. You run your fingers over them lightly. They don't actually hurt, but it's a little odd none the less.

Shifting the crop top under your shirt back in place you move on to the purple stripes. They're only on -her- your cheeks. Tattoos? They aren't smudging and nails get no perches. You've never had a tattoo before.

Buzzed memories bounce back and forth in your head. Quiet kid, friends, family. Nothing special. You resist the urge to cringe at some of your more stupid antics.

But then hers are their too.

You don't actually feel them, but you certainly don't remember a couple with matching cheek stripes, or Kushina parent Kakashi and Obito. They're not yours, that's for sure.

Just as these tears aren't.

It had taken you a bit. Lost in thoughts not so much your own can distract a person. You do feel sad though, but not in a normal fashion. Tears fall, your throat tightened in a hiccup.

Even if the mind is lost, the body remembers.

You don't know how you know that, but you feel unnerved all the same.

No, no more.

With a firm head shake and a splash of river water you stand up and start walking along the river.

No more.

You will get through this.

.  
.  
.  
.

You hope.


	3. Of Two Minds a Thunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Death, lightening, memory shenanigans 
> 
> If someone didn’t have PTSD in some manner after all that happened I’d be concerned.

You'd been walking for a few days. Tired, hungry, sore. You'd found some fruit that was edible and didn't instantly projectile it away after consumption, so that was a win?

You felt her outlines, she was gone yes, but her imprint was there. Memories, reflex, the body remembers. 

You feel a little sick again.

Coming to turns was as easy as rolling a boulder uphill. Taxing, painful, aggravating, and you just wanting to sit down and cry.

Literally.

Trying to be flexible and smart about it had given mixed results. You hadn't known where to begin. You'd tried some hand signs that you vaguely remembered from watching so many of the blondes, Naruto, battles. 

-giggles, quiet. An old man in black standing strong, a child in front of him, knees bent, arms raised. Awed as silver hair flashes in the reduced light and the boy moves-

Her memory, it triggered every now and again. Sharing her mind and thoughts with you. You were greatful, but you hated it. You didn't want this, any of this.

——————

It was dark when it had happened, you were flat on your back in the grass, star gazing, it relaxed you. The one thing in common with her that didn't make you curl inside.

Small mercy.

Too bad for the storm.

Thunder ran in the distance. Booming across the land, a flash that lights the world seconds later. You all but flex in a way that shoots out into the sky. Now standing you half run/half stumble into a bush and begin to cry. 

——white picket fence, dark sky, light flashing, almost home, can see the driveway from here, brother took the car, could have asked the arse. Deafening, all white, wants to scream but can't. It hurts——

-blood boiling, I can't let this happen, please no, silver hair tatted down with sweat. Panicked eyes the colour of grey coal. 

You are so sorry

The cry of hundreds of birds all at once, light dancing along his skin, your legs push and your there, in front of him, blood sprays, you choke, how do you breathe again? He stares, tears forming.

You are so so sorry

The world is a blur of noise, it's warm, but so cold. You hear screaming. There's a red moon...

Please forgive me-

You choke as two moments in time clash together. Tears streaming, oh god, oh god. Your chest burns, the once dull unfeeling skin alight as if burning anew. 

Please just make it stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who do you think not-Rin should meet first? And how? I’m curious for input.


	4. Lost But Not Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: blood, dysphoria, death, attempted rape but not quite
> 
> This is slowly getting darker it seems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When not trying to crawl out your own mind or not, don’t pick a fight or make a target of the mentality unstable ninja.

It had been a few months since waking up in the dirt that day. You had learned, though reluctantly, to survive. It was by no means Living.

You had taught your self to hunt, fish,

Even kill. It had been easy-

-Too, easy even.

It was simple really, all there tucked away. A part of her. She made it so easy. A gift you despised.

You barely had to do much before it became your own reflex, for the most part anyway. Fish, animals, plants, herbs.

Quite the cheat guide.

You feel your hands shake. Deep breaths, stop the bile. Calm, stay calm, breath.

You try, you learn, and you still hate it. Her. Yourself. Everything.

——————

You now live in an abandoned shack of sorts. More like a she’d really. Old and forgotten, wood cracking and faded. You wonder who lived here, where did they go?

The shack had revealed itself to you a month ago, tripping over your own tired feet and rolling down a hill. It was there, as depressing as you.

You’d learned to handle yourself, less you die trying. All means necessary. There wasn’t room for much else. The world didn’t let it.

Even if it gave all the time in the world to cry. You barely coped. 

Looking down at them, hands twitching. You struggled with yourself. It was easier to forget and ignore, even if it was only for a moment. The dysphoria ate at you on the inside. Like a cancer. 

Or were you the cancer, intruding on her body- No, you will not think of that!

You slap your own face sharply. You refuse to go down that path again. Dragging yourself out was hard and you would not fall. You will survive this.

Hands are hands, some are small, some are large. Yours are not too small, there a calluses on yours, past and present. Your arms are covered on long sleeves. The sleeves are thick and warm.

You focus on your clothes, you’d got new ones. Pants and shirt. Black and purply, simple and warm, simple and warm. You’d taken them from a village, or was it a town? You didn’t stop to check at the time. To afraid of what meeting someone would do, what it could mean.

You’d gone to the closest house, it was a little farther from the rest of the other buildings, small and simple. Dull in colour. The man who you assumed owned the house hadn’t noticed you until after. He chased you, you ran. 

He didn’t get you, you didn’t stick around.

Your hair had grown too. Long and dark, still shiny in the light despite its knotted appearance. It was nice hair. You’d taken some cloth and though trial and error pulled it back. It reminded you of a man hidden by crows. Itachi.

You took care of yourself, taxing as the task was. You’d more often then not detach into yourself and it would all go by reflex.

You try to live with yourself, you really do.

——————

You remember the blood. You still feel it sometimes 

While your first encounter was fast and plain, ones luck can run out. And it did, for a moment.

A man, foul in manner and smell. You’d hadn’t seen him at first, lost in thought. He looked older, scared and mean, he carried a blade too, you didn’t like the way he looked at you, at her.

He had closed in, a cruel smile across his face. He was truly foal.

“What have we here? A long lost tree hugger? Did you loose all your little friends?”

It had taken a moment to register his words, that he had spoken and what was spoken.

Tree hugger? Why would- oh, her forehead guard. 

Konoha’s leaf emblem. You were wearing it still. You hadn’t realised. You felt your insides go cold. You don’t like this.

“What? You mute or something?”

You don’t like that tone.

He didn’t like your silence. He grabbed you on the arm, grip strong, it hurt.

“Listen you little-“

You felt your insides curl. Distinctly you felt a mixture of panic crawling up your spine and, rage. It burned inside, different them the scars. 

You hear the man growl, you try and pull away. He doesn’t like that, you don’t like any of this. You both tug back and forth for a bit, he gets angrier.

He pulls the blade.

“Listen here you little-“

He pulls you, you stagger, he reeks of stink and alcohol. You just stare down the metal in your face.

You realise that the panic is still there but it’s not crushing, there’s an uncertainty, there’s a rage and lastly-

You start laughing.

The man stops hands holding the collar of your shirt and your arm, knife to neck.

Amidst the giggles and mad laughter the man looks lost and rather angry, the crazed undertone stopping him for a moment.

“Your holding it wrong”

You were always good in a fight.

Red splattered the ground

—————— 

You still have the blade, it was a tanto you’d realised later, the thought popping into your head. Said blade layer next to you within easy reach. Rin has learned the basics at one point before becoming focused on her medical talents. A Nohara thing, you think so anyway.


	5. Bloody Month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With finding some level ground comes new challenges. 
> 
> At least someone left a mental map.

With finding calm comes a new storm. You were sitting in the sun outside the shack when it befell you. 

You had been meditating in a way, mixing it with figuring yourself out. Getting used to your body. Trying to learn yourself. You could just last 5 minutes without the dysphoria kicking in.

You had got you face, your legs, your arms. You could be very comfortable with them. But your torso and chest still bothered you endlessly. The scars didn't help, a constant reminder.

For a second time you are thankful that Rin was not the most feminine in appearance. Though she was, you had realised one day while exploring her face, rather charming in a pretty way. She had a strong jaw that gave a neutral appearance, she could get away with a lot appearance wise.

You found you quite liked her face. Your face.  
Strong arm and muscle, strong legs. You can handle yourself.

You can handle this- you rest a hand on just below your ribs under your shirt- you can-

You can't.

You throw up.

You do that a lot, maybe you could win a race.  
The race to throw up. You aren't sure that's even a thing.

Frankly you weren't surprised anymore, especially today, you'd felt off most of the morning. Illness maybe? You'd been eating the same things so food poisoning wasn't likely.

With a sigh you rise to your feet to make a go of cleaning your mess, at least you missed yourself this time.

You glance down to the ground.

There's blood.

You stop for a moment, puzzled. Where did that come from? You have no cuts and it's not mixed in the vomit. You'd worry if it was.

You circle round in a spin, checking the area, no more blood here. 

Half heartedly you pat down your arse to remove any grass.

Weren't you .... sitting .... there....

Your raise your hand.

"Oh for fuck sake!!"

——————

You loosely realise that you should have expected this. You had relaxed from that point months ago, you had what guessed could be considered stable living conditions. 

And as it goes Rin was a fertile young lady, ninja or no. 

How very typical.

You'd gathered the spare cloth you had on hand. Double checked it was clean, cleaned it anyway and got to work. 

This once a moment you both cursed and praised the being that was Rin Nohara.

Currently you sat at a river, only ever used by small animals and the like. You focus on the things around you. Blue sky, green trees-your fingers drag over chest and scar-, clear water. 

This continues for a bit until you decided you were clean enough. Dressed and ready to return to your hide away, you pick up the tanto and shuffle off. One quick glance in the water shows long hair in a low ponytail and brown eyes. 

The appearance isn't so much Rin as it once was, but her underlying feature peek out underneath. You try not to focus on the coloured strips still sharply adorning your face, as bright as the day you first saw them. The long haired reflection in the water ripples out of sight as you turn to leave, sunlight dancing on the surface.

It was a nice.


	6. Chakra and Strawberry Blades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If this is your Yoda, you want a refund.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Internal monologuing continues and you get beat up by an old guy

Chakra was weird.

You'd been practicing on and off, Rin's memories bouncing back and forth, helping in their reflex built ways. You hadn't really used it consciously before, even forgetting it was even there on most days.

While reluctant you had tested out small things, sticking leaves to yourself, a clone jutsu or two here and there. It was an odd feeling, like drinking a hot drink on a cold day but the effect running through all your veins instead of your digestive system.

Thanks to Rin you also knew how that worked too... It also took awhile with the clones, only a week of practice before they stopped spazzing out and exploding.

You'd originally stayed clear of the medical jutsu, afraid your control would flunk and you'd blow yourself sky high. Good thing students started with fish. You knew how to catch fish.

So much fish. On you, up that tree, it wasn't pretty.

You chalked it up to the imbalance of your Yin Chakra. Distantly you found yourself making soul related jokes.

None of them were good.

This was also when you met old man Ichigo. Said man was short, old, had what once was red hair, and a odd joy in watching you fumble around.

He was an old samurai who had gotten lost and wandered his way to your decrepit little hut. And then he just never left. All you did was begrudgingly feed him once, and then twice. You both just hung around.

He never once questioned you. And you never asked after him. Though you think he just knew. Eyes are the window to the soul and yours held more then was wanted.

He at one point told you how he was reminded of his grandchild, Haru, when he saw you. Why? He didn't mention and you didn't ask, seemed like a sore subject.

At some point old man Ichigo decided that he was gonna leave you his samurai swords. You tried to say no. It didn't work.

—————

"Again!"

This was torture. Pure evil.

"Again!"

Why did you let this happen again? Oh yeah. Cause the old fossil before you had the charisma of a natural 20 dice roll. The old git.

So here you were, sparing with him. Or rather, you trying not to be thrown around like a rag doll and failing. How does he even move like that?! Chakra is such a hack!

"Please, any god that's out here, make it end.."

"What was that? I can't here ya over your failures of stance!"

Uuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhh- you really wanna hit this guy! Old or not!

“Yahoo! Almost got me there that time brat! Give it 50 more years and you may be scary”

Distantly you fantasise about making him into boots. Lots of boots.

No mercy.

You don’t even realise that you feel the best you ever have in months, or that you’re smiling.


	7. Montages And All That Jazz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Series of moments with Rin and Ichigo

You didn't like this. You didn't like this one bit. You watch as the woman before you fiddles with dark cloth highlighted with purple. Ichigo sat by a near wall looking far too smug.

"Would ya look at this, how about it aye? Very fitting if I don't say so myself"

Clothes shopping. It can go away. As well as this mad woman and her needles.

It had all started when you had commented that your clothes were getting warn and winter was particularly harsh. It had continued by Ichigo goading you into leaving the safety of your shared hideaway. Why you let him is still beyond you. 

He'd shuffled you off to a village. You'd wondered if it was that one from back then. Of course you didn't ask. Felt weird. 

So here you stood, new clothes and all. Black pants and matching, edged with white. It was a samurai style. Comfortable and baggy. You liked it. There were new shoes too, and socks. They were very warm. Lastly while the seamstress had poked and prodded Ichigo had come and gone, returning with a straw hat and large coat. The coat was a pale thing. Dots and little squiggles decorating it's surface.

You'd put it all on and laughed. The coat was huge on you.

"It all may seem big now but I figure you'll grow so no harm done"

You turn at Ichigos voice and see him looking very pleased with himself. You suddenly feel somewhat embarrassed.

"I, I don't know what to say.."

"No need for that! Can't have my apprentice shrivelling away now can I?"

"Well, no..."

He just laughs. He does that a lot actually. Claiming that there's enough things in the world to worry over so why not find something to laugh about instead. You liked the sentiment.

You play with the sleeve of your kimono. 

Today was a good day.

————————

"Now you have it!"

Ichigo has been teaching you new techniques which you had more or less mastered over the span of time you'd known him. 

How long had it been now? Months? A year? More? Time keeping had never been something you'd been good at. You'd be the type to be late to your own wedding. That is if you ever got married. Which was doubtful. 

But that's beside the point. You'd hadn't actually thought about it till late one night. Ichigo has of course grumbled about your butchered sleep patterns, but quickly laid off as you pointed out the hypocrisy. He'd of course shuffled off to sulk.

Why not combine Samurai and Ninja moves?

You proposed the idea to the old man not long after and he had looked almost offended. He changed his tune not long after cackling and chittering away about someone's face and rolling in graves.

You offered to pretend it never happened.

You got told no.

Ichigo is a sadist.

You’re a ninja samurai.

This could probably get a lot weirder, but it doesn't seem like it.

You honestly don't know what's going on anymore, Ichigo is laughing like a madman and you just cut a tree in half while hanging upside down from another tree. This is so weird.

Chakra is a hack.

You wanna nap.

———————

"Everyone good sword needs a name"

It was something Ichigo had mentioned once. He had been regaling you with stories of himself and other samurai. The more famous swordsmen had titles and names given by their enemies or by bystanders and the like.

Ichigos blade had been dubbed Jin. You vaguely remember the different meaning so the word and well. It was as creative as the Sahara Desert. Ichigo just laughed at the face you made when it had clicked.

The sword he had given you was reasonably new. Practically unused, no marks or nicks. Grip still having that unused stiffness. You were told it was also unnamed.

You'd asked why this time. Ichigo just smiled sadly. You wondered if this was originally meant for the infamous Haru.

The sword itself was rather plain in design, black scabbard and white handle. Nothing really stood out. Until you drew the blade.

A black blade.

It reminded you of something, you couldn't remember what.

————————

Ichigo watches as the young teen shuffles around the hut he found them in long ago. Tucking and tidying up the small amount of items they owned into a carry bag. While you didn’t have much he noticed you had a tendency towards shiny trinkets and soft things. 

A sign of this was your tendency to nearly always be playing with your coat sleeve. At first he thought you were simply nervous, but after a while he figured out it was just that you liked the feel of it.

If you had noticed the increase of shiny and or soft things you didn’t comment, but your smile spoke millions.

———————

Walking down a dirt trodden road was a rather quiet experience. Watching as the world went on by you. Ichigo has a slow shuffling pace most old men seem to have. The patience to get there in their own time. 

You didn’t mind of course, you liked looking around without worry.

It was a nice day.


	8. Raining Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oooh an owl
> 
> Oooh angst

You stare down at the man in your arms, small, cold, frail, still-

Dead

Ichigo was gone, and he wasn't coming back.

You were alone.

——————

Winding back time in your mind you reflect the past years. Together Ichigo had taught you many things, old and new. You hunted bandits together. There were a few close calls, but you survived it all. You ended up earning the moniker of "The Wandering Ronin". Ichigo had also given you one of his swords, Kurogane, meaning black metal.

He wasn't the best at names. 

You also wore masks. The masks you picked up everywhere you went in your travels. A part of you had not liked the idea of others seeing your face. Call it what you will, but your paranoia has long since kept you alive.

There was a point when Ichigo had gone off to deal with some personal business leaving you alone for, why was it? 2-3 weeks? Long story short you'd gotten bored and reverse summoned yourself. In hindsight that was actually a really stupid idea, but as things happen, it worked out. You also got a matching mask out of it. So win win.

Ichigo had momentarily stumped as to why there was a an angry looking Horned Owl sitting on top of the hat you were wearing. 

You'd named him Brodwin. 

Unfortunately fate, luck, karma and anything else you can think of has a habit of coming back to fuck you over.

That "all good things come to an end" thing really god damn sucks.

——————

Ichigo had been getting sick recently. Rin had been a battle medic, not a pharmacist, and seeing as your college major had been in art you genuinely didn't know what to do outside of short fixes and bandaging wounds. What were you gonna do? There was no long term remedy you knew.

Thinking about it made your stomach curl.

You didn't want to loose him. 

——————

After some aimless wandering and Ichigo occasionally pulling you into a preferred direction of travel the two of you came to a village.

It had been raining the entire time. Brodwin had hidden away in the many folds of your coat, situated in such away that the large brim of your hat hid him from the water. He really didn't like getting wet. Vain creature.

You'd been feeling a little off for the past week, Ichigo had developed a slight cough and it had not helped your mood.

When you got to the village everything just got worse. 

This was because you'd figured out where you were.

Ame.

Fucking, hell.

You'd found out when you'd reached a town on the out skirts of the main village. You assumed so anyway, geology is not a strong point of yours. 

You'd found a place to stay for for a few days thanks to a friendly couple living on a farm. They had a spare room which you settled into before heading out to survey the area. 

Checking that Ichigo was fine- "off with you- I don't need your nagging"- you left, Brodwin all but seething as he followed after you into the downpour.

—————

You hadn't been out long when you felt the blood in your veins turn to ice.

The feeling in your gut had been worsening ever so slowly, but this- this had sent it all into overdrive.

You felt your very soul screaming.

Red clouds of black sky.

The Akatsuki 

You would have cried if not for your mask. You probably WILL cry thanks to your mask.

A weight lands on your shoulder and Brodwin leans down to aggressively brush his soggy self into the side of your head. You move a hand up to brush at his feathers absently. Distantly your aware that this is in an attempt to ground you and stop you from screaming incessantly at the world and draw attention to yourself.

You still wish to start throwing up though. Anxiety courses through you like an old friend- 

If that friend was an unwanted house guest that won't go away, smells funny and gives the worst advice.

Flexing you hands your suddenly very aware that the hand that isn't occupied with Brodwin is cutting into itself with its own nails. 

It stings.

Looking up you focus down the road to where 2 figures stand in conversation.

One blonde.

The other in a orange mask.

You ignore the stinging in your eyes.

You can no longer tell where Rin ends or you begin- recognition, fear, sadness, horror, affection, hate- it all coils under your breast.

It's like your about to burst. 

You want to scream-

But nothings coming out.

You make you exit fast and quiet. Hand curling into Brodwins feathers, if it hurts he doesn't say. Even if your knuckles have turned white.

"Hey hey~! Was that a samurai?"

It's a mercy in itself that you were already far enough ahead that you never heard the childish voice chirp in interest at your retreating figure.

You likely would have lost it then and there.

——————

You lost it.

You were nearly back to the farm house when you finally gave in and ducked into the nearest section of shrubbery and started puking. This mixed with some panicked ugly crying kept your attention for sometime. Most of it was where you were screaming into your hat. 

You were quite the state with you finally reached the old couples door.

You'd barely finished knocking when the old lady opened it with a frantic and sorrowful air.

"Oh- I'm so sorry-"

You felt the last pieces of yourself shatter.

———————

He was gone.

The old man was gone and your in Ame and Obito had been rIGhT thER-

Ripping your mask away you cry and scream. 

Laughter soon follows.

The old lady finds you on the ground. Eyes red and skin raw with tears. Laughing at your own misfortune. 

Ichigo was neatly placed on the spare bed. He was so small now.

For once in a long time,

You mourned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When your planning and then procrastinating and then you actually sit down to update and running through you characters emotions almost give you a panic attack-
> 
> *sips out of mug*
> 
> So, anyway, Rins NOT having a good time


	9. Into The Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A final goodbye before going into the sky

Burying Ichigo was a quiet event. There was only you and the old couple who lived at the farm. The rain never stopped, not even for a moment. In fact you think it got harder.

You'd dug the grave yourself that very evening. Eyes still bloodshot and skin still damp with even more tears.

The old man of the farm had come out a few times trying to ask you back inside, but you did your best to ignore him. You didn't want the pity in their eyes.

When you eventually did come back inside the old woman wrapped you in a blanket and herded you into a chair, finishing it all up with a steaming cup of tea.

The clay of the cup burned against your frozen fingers.

You heard a low cooing from Brodwin above you. He'd perched on a banister built into the roof of the building. He'd stayed with you in the rain.

He was probably pissed.

You'd get him something later.

———————

You'd moved into the spare room after a few hours of brooding. You could still see the outlines of where Ichigo had been laid out.

You looked away and closed your eyes. Deep breaths.

Sitting down you pull the travel packs over and start sorting through. It was full of old nicknacks and useful items. Along with clothes, random bounties- old and new, sword care items and a letter.

It had your name.

You stare at it for a bit before setting it beside you on the bed and laying back. You don't move, don't open it, just stare at the ceiling for what felt like years.

When you do finally tear into it you feel lost- what will it say, what did he say?

When did he even write this? You hadn't seen him do it.

_ Kid, _

_ When you read this, I'll be gone. I'm leaving my sword to you- don't bury it with me- it'll be more useful to the living- and yes I know you will likely try in sentiment, but I will come back to kick your ass if you do....Don't do that just for that outcome either, seriously. _

_ I've had a long life. It wasn't always a nice one. I lost many people. I've made mistakes. Lots of them. But raising you was not one of them. _

_ I don't know what hole you crawled your way out of, but I hope everything I taught you helps in whatever you may face in the future. _

_ Thanks for giving this old man a reason to be better. _

_ Ichigo _

You stare numbly at the words etched into the paper. A few tears fall onto it, but only the few. Reflectively your somewhat amused by the "hole" comment. He'd never know how spot on and literal that comment had been.

He'd always made jokes about finding you in a field and anything along those line. He was select in his humour.

And it be perfectly fair- you shared said humour. A sad smile tugs it's way over your face at the remembrance of terrorising the country side with bad puns.

Damn old man. Even dead he made it hard to be lastingly edgy.

You needed a nap.

——————

Saying goodbye to the couple was a quick event- you had no wish to linger. Everything was packed and you'd retrieved Ichigos old sword.

Shirogane and Kurogane. Twin blades. The extra weight of the pale scabbard against your waist.

It still hurt.

You doubt it would ever stop.

You summon Yukiji. She was an old snow owl the size of a large draft horse. Unlike Brodwin who couldn't talk- she mostly just chose not to. Only commenting on things when she deemed it necessary.

This being one of those times.

"You look dreadful"

You didn't argue.

A part of you cycles through the information that Ichigo would get motion sickness from anything that wasn't his own legs. Wagons were always a mess.

And he hated flying. Fell off a lot too.

Balancing yourself as the giant bird took to the air you find yourself aimless on what to do. You had no real plans or aim on where to go.

You just let the wind guide you. 

A lone speck in a sea of dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter then I'd intended, but I'm not gonna loose sleep over it.  
> Land of waves is next so- I'll leave you to your imagination ;)
> 
> I've also started a little blog for Purple Stripes, I'll link it below for those interested.
> 
> https://samurairin.tumblr.com/


	10. Land Of Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all comes together

There's something about the world that draws you in- things you can't escape, no matter how far you go, no matter what you do to erase the tracks and traces from your life. These can be memories that stir in the dark of a restless night, the old feeling of familiarity, the knowing of something that can happen and what it will do in turn.

It's not truly that surprising when not even weeks later you find a contract asking for the head of a man- the pay isn't much and the woman who asks is thin, pale, cloths shabby- but eyes all too strong with a boiling fury.

The place the contact is asking to to go is at most a weeks journey. You could leave tomorrow and make it. With little rush you accept it- even as a small part of you screams on the inside. You're not sure if avoiding it all for the past decade is what one can consider cowardly after knowing what was to happen. But maybe you can start now? Is that okay? It will have to be- you won't let it be otherwise or else you think the butterflies in your chest, all that nervous energy will eat you alive otherwise.

So for the night you push it all aside- you talk to the woman- and she talks, and talks, and talks. Sittingquietly as she pours her heart out- the struggles, how everyone suffers, and why she finally crawled her way out to a bounty outpost on tooth and nail to ask for a hired killer after he son had died because of a thug that worked for the devil of a man that had single handedly created what sounded like her own personal hell.

The money really wasn't much, but it was all she had, but you weren't after it to begin with. You'd wandered your way to the outpost without much thought- they're all around- hardly out of the ordinary. And there she was- asking anyone who came past for help- no one stopped long except to throw negatives at her.

_"not enough coin"_

_"get lost hag"_

Thinking back on it you shake your head at the bounty hunters of the local area. She all but cried when you'd asked about the contract.

This all leads back to the present- thanking the lady you make to leave, to find a place to sleep before heading out the next day. She nods and parts ways after handing you the bag of coins. Not normally how business is done- you honestly preferred being payed afterwards or in halves e.g half now and half later- people liked to not feel cheated and no ones likes the idea of a shoddy job and runaway money.

"Take it- don't bother coming back to find me- as long as that man dies I shall have peace"

Faced with little choice you thanked her one last time and left. You can't imagine loosing a child- but loosing Ichigo had hurt, loosing a child must have felt like a death in itself.

As she disappeared into the night you focused on a key piece of info she had mentioned;

A bridge.

And thus started you mission for one Businessman of the Waves, Gato.

——————

When you got to Waves you felt a nervous energy take you over- it wasn't excitement, but possibly a close if similar thing.

Kakashi

Naruto

Sasuke

Sakura

You test their names out on your tongue- it's almost intoxicating- thrilling. It took most of yourself control not to start giggling hysterically. This felt like a ballsy kind of stupid. What would happen- what would you even say them?

You felt a tug at the thought of Kakashi- flecks of old feelings mixed with your own pulled themselves deep in your chest.

- _a small face covered by a mask, furrowed brows and dark eyes- eyes that widen in shock, tears, pain, black on red swirling as lightening- so much lightening_ -

You cringe as a memory flashes in your mind.

She died that day and he felt it. You feel horrible for wanting to see him- for both yourself and of what is left. For waiting and running this long..

You'd made the excuse of Danzo, Orochimaru and many others, but yet here you were, marching head on into a waiting war.

God you felt stupid.

——————

It's both a mercy and a curse when you find them. Mask firmly in place, looking up above the trees at dragons made of water, tearing through the cloudy sky.

The noise had given it away- as had the chakra fluctuations that filled the direct area.

The Wave ark was here-

And so was Zabuza.

Fun.

Running towards danger is an interesting concept- especially when your told not too. Human nature over ruling it to either stand and watch like a moron or go towards it.

Like you are now.


	11. Exasperation and Co

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brought to you by repressed thirst, navigating how to talk to angry armed children and unwanted conversations with a bonus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all that read the stuff I write! You all give me life! 
> 
> And is weird to think that’s at least 200 of you out there that bookmarked- like, ahh!

On a scale of 10 to infinity brought to you via the scales of "How stupid do I feel today?" You feel like it's a solid 20- only because your wearing a mask and are decidedly not ninja looking. Otherwise that little part of your brain that still held onto the grains of "this is a horrible idea" suffered in the recesses of your brain along side your ever present anxiety. 

_Yay_.

Looking off to the side you peer at the tweens that have circled behind you with their charge as their dramatic, complex riddled excuse of a teacher was being piggybacked by yours truly.

Honestly the fact that your are here is slightly blown away by that fact that even in that padded jacket Kakashi is built. No one need know how fine that mans thighs are _\- don't judge, it's not your fault that that's how piggyback carries work. He sure as hell isn't holding himself up and your being as respectful and careful as possible because there's an anbu/sharingan user who's twitchy as fuck and is on your back-_

Anyways...

Let's rewind to half an hour-ago.

———————

It probably says something about your luck that you catch the literal tail end of the fight. Epic water dragons from afar or no, a small part of you is grateful. You neither have to deal with Zabuza, Haku or Kakashi quite yet.

Breaking through the tree line you stop a ways away not at all surprised with the child trio freaking out over their downed one-army and mostly competent protector, the kicker being they spot you moments later and seem to collectively shit themselves.

Considering what they've been dealing with you don't blame them. Naruto was of course the first among them to open his mouth.

"Oh no, not more of them!"

Mood kid, mood.

Oh yeah, he's talking about you. May need to fix that. Sasuke in particular was glaring hard.

Making a show of slowly raising your arms in that universal 'I mean you no harm' that in reality does shit all because ninja, the kids barely relax but seem less likely to charge at you with suicidal abandon.

It was almost cute if stupid.

"Who are you? Your no ninja!" It was the old man this time, easy for false bravado when your in the back of the crowd.... even if that crowd was children.

What was his name again?? Ichia? Wait no that's Jiraiya's book-

"I'm not interested in fighting! I'm just a bounty hunter, I saw the commotion from afar and if I did others could have too. I would not recommend lingering" Continuing the effort of looking obvious and unthreatening you walk adjacent to them and into the middle of clearing. Random forest hobo or no you really don't want to pick a fight.

"Oh yeah- hey-!"

You watch almost bemused as Sasuke and Sakura latch onto Naruto, shutting him up in the process. In their group cluster you can hear hissing arguments.

If you look over them at the bridge builder and you both seem to share a look, that's your business. Then again your wearing a mask and it probably looks more creepy then anything. Argh.

You tune back in as Sasuke takes the lead, a mutinous Naruto and concerned Sakura behind him. The bridge guy stood awkwardly next to the downed Kakashi, behind their little squad.

"Why should we trust you? You could be here to finish the job"

You figure it's best to play dumb for now. Your timing is well, complicated. But by all means can it doesn't mean you can't be more or less honest in this situation.

"I'm not, your here to fix the bridge yeah? As I said I'm a bounty hunter, I've been payed to mess up Gato's plans.

We can talk more, but not here- your friend there is hurt and again, you don't want to stay here."

Sasuke scowls and the other two are pensive.

"I can show you the contact?"

"Show it"

Neat. We're making headway. Carefully you move one hand into your shirt and take out a small scroll. It was a handy spot, easy access and you liked having lots of pockets.

"I'm going to throw it over"

Pausing for a second you slowly make to throw it under arm, tossing it. Sasuke snatched it and without much ceremony unravels it and looks it through, the others looking over his shoulder. You see the bridge guy call them back a bit to look it over. Not that surprising, from what little you can actually remember of the man your fairly certain he's in charge of the operation and likely has experience in legal matters or something of the sort. Material contracts? Shipping? Seemed about right anyways.

"This is a contact to kill Gato, I recognise the contractor, where is she? How did she-?" Bridge man seems to be crossed between shock, anger and concern as he spouts out said words.

"I don't make a habit of talking about my clients- just know last I did see her" _-a week ago-_ " she was alive"

While non of them were pleased about the situation, you did end up helping them, eyes burning into you as you picked up Kakashi and hefted him onto your back after a quick once over and a bit of medical jutsu.

" _Heavy bruising, maybe a fractured rib or two- you said he was stuck in a water cage? Potentially water in lungs- right let's move him. He'll be out for a while, extreme chakra exhaustion is the main problem."_

This led you to now.

So far you'd managed to avoid directly looking at Kakashi- or at least his face. You really don't want to trigger a memory flash now, or in front of the kids and co. With your luck it would probably end in a panic attack.

Which no one needs.

The walk to the bridge builders house- his name was Tazuna- _you weren't even close when guessing_ \- was for the most part quiet. Or it was.

Naruto exists after all.

God you forget how much you were annoyed by OG Naruto- at least he got better with age. The blonde threw question after question at you and you freely answer them, rarely having to deflect or filter the truth.

No one needs to know this life story just yet. Not that you think you'd really tell anyone anyway. If anyone asks you have memory problems. Which you technically do, just not in the way others expect.

Sakura had chimed in to surprisingly enough, asking about the mystic palm jutsu she'd seen you use. It tickled that even now before Tsunade or anything that she was showing interest. It was just Sasuke that remained quiet.

"Hey hey Ronin-san!" Alas you were once again pulled from your musings as Naruto's chatter filled your ears once again.

—————

Reaching Tazuna's home was faster then you had expected

Tsunami had set up a spare room for team seven and a seperate, smaller one for you. Not that you minded at all, you were just happy to sleep in a bed. They also had hot water so win-win.

Kakashi and been rolled out and tucked into a futon after you'd taken another look at him and very careful removed his jacket. You didn't touch much else lest you find his sleep response to be violence- _which being anbu, was likely_ \- so leaving him to wake up you retreated to your specified room, leaving the family and the three genin to themselves for the night.

You didn't dream.

—————

Kakashi woke up the next day and you listened down the hall as Kakashi talked through his thought process about Haku and Zabuza, Naruto and Sakura chipping in here and there before filling him in on your arrival. He wasn't pleased about it but commented positively on not instantly attacking and checking facts- though if you had been an enemy there would have been little they could have done unless Naruto went feral.

It was later when Kakashi was well enough to hobble around on crutches that he found you outside meditating, mask firmly in place.

It's was probably divine intervention that you were wearing gloves, even if they were fingerless because underneath your knuckles had turned white.

Ah, shit

You are not prepared for this

You could feel yourself withering under his gaze, the silence thick enough to cut like butter.

"Thank you"

You twitched

Looking up with a start you see a single grey eye staring coolly back down at you.

_-Grey eyes darkening and shining- red red red redreditburnspleasenoImsorrymyfault-_

You flinch and quickly look away.

"Your-ah, your welcome"

"We don't find many samurai outside of the land of Iron.."

He'd left the _not-a-question_ open and you nodded slowly in reply.

"I'm Ronin, not samurai, I do not serve or follow anyone."

"..."

The silence continued

"Mystic palm"

With that you cringe even more behind your mask and make to stand, Kakashi leaning off to the side continues with his staring.

"I was born in the land of fire"- _which Rin was-_ "I was found by my teacher some time after the war, I was barely a kid at the time"- _also true-_ "there is little else to say"- _that you feel like sharing_ -". I saw your fight and went to investigate, I know of your task, anyone who knows anything does. Our goals are mutually aligned. We can work together or ask and I will leave" with that said you dust off any dirt on your pants and look up at him.

You hate that your voice shakes, even if only a little.

Distracting yourself you find you were almost annoyed that he was taller then you, then again you where were hardly the tallest person around. Even with your sandals and their added height.

Another part not quite all you, was pleased.

You bury it was a vengeance

You could feel Kakashi's brain working. The war was over ten years ago and there were a lot of dead and not so many deserters. Not that would particularly fit your limited appearance, not that would truly fit anyway.

After talking a bit more- _it's was painfully awkward-_ you left, leaving Kakashi to himself. He had students to teach after all.

The feeling of your skin crawling doesn't leave.

—————-

/ **Bonus piece** /

_Kakashi watches the wanderer as they leave, brown hair swaying in the breeze. They'd been guardedly honest from what he could tell, sincere even. Years of training giving him tells and quirks to read._

_He'd seen the twitches and the flinch, cringing away from his words, the avoidance of looking directly at him-_

_Like it hurt._

_Turning away to find his students Kakashi was left with a restless feeling, not unlike the digging nudge that Zabuza was indeed alive. A burning stuck in the back of his head, a familiarity that he didn't recognise._

_It bothered him._

_He didn't know this person._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Tis me!
> 
> Just clarifying a few things; 
> 
> -I'm putting this here because I've seen some confusion (on different platforms) so instead of replying to all and any future questions about it, Rin or Ronin Rin is a trans/non-binary character that prefers they/he pronouns. They might be miss-gendered by other characters in the future tho as the story goes on. While they occasionally enjoy feminine themed items, they do not enjoy being forced. 
> 
> -While I have no qualms with more adult writing I doubt I'll write any smut myself- if so I'll probably post it separately from the main fic while notifying those who are interested. There is also a pile of snippets and one shots that didn't quite fit or were just randomly written at the time that I am also happy to post.
> 
> \- and for the record the fic is from Rorins perspective so they can and will miss things that others might do. They also know they have mental health issues for example, but not how much or how bad.


	12. Three Guys and a Basket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, Haku is here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Productive day, who's a productive day- this is a productive day!
> 
> Shit I fell asleep-

For the most part you steered clear- as much as you liked Kakashi and his gremlin army of three... 

They were bad for your health.

There were only so many memories and anxious episodes the average human can take before it can take a toll ninja samurai or no-

Especially in a matter of days.

_Your head still hurts from it all._

Granted the times you did stick around you watched the baby genin fail to run up trees.

_Correction_ -

Watching Naruto and Sasuke fail to run up trees. It was interesting that Sakura could kick ass in non-violent ways yet got so left behind as the story had gone on. Though this time around when she'd completed the task she'd gone thorough the general gloating and scampered her way over to you to ask about medical ninjutsu. You told her what you knew of course, but heavily enforced going home and asking an actual professional. Konoha had apprenticeships for that still, right?

You had felt Kakashi's glare burning into you the entire time.

Man was bone chilling when he wanted to be. You shiver at the memory.

——————

It probably shouldn't have been so surprising that you also got asked for help- it might have been the after effects of Sakura's actions like ripples in a pool. Naruto had all but hunted you down from your daily dose of social avoidance and dragged you back with the energy of someone who hadn't been beaten up by trees.

"Help me with my Catra-"

"-Chakra"

"Yeah that- I heard you with Sakura-Chan on the first day! You seem to know a lot!"

Seeing at the amount of paper and theory work the original Rin had been buried under before any self respecting medical practitioner so much as let her near a practical lesson, yes, you had unraveled quite a bit from the memorial like that was Rin Nohara.

River fish abusing days aside of course.

"........"

"PLEASE!"

_You felt the sigh before it had even formed_

"Yeah sure, whatever"

_~~"Thank you big sis!"~~ _

It was only the fact that Naruto wasn't facing you that he missed your rather violent twitching.

—————

Looking back at the years Naruto was long down the list of people who talked to you thinking of you in more feminine terms. He wasn't even malicious, unlike some others. Luckily those that did were never much of a problem in the end.

It was not like you had corrected him anyway.

You just didn't want to deal with it.

Naruto didn't use pronouns when talking around you anyway. Mostly referring to you as "Ronin-san"

That didn't change the funk in your mood for tho.

Little did.

For not the first time in the last decade or so

_You loathed_

In the dark of your loneliness old flesh, twisted and pale throbbed with phantom pains. Itching under the layers you hid in.

——————

Meeting Haku had been a joy.

It would be a lie to say you hadn't looked forward to the experience, shadowing the forests waiting to see if Naruto would spend the night under the stars.

....that sounded a lot creeper then it actually works was.

It had lightened your sour mood remarkably well, distracting you from how surly you had felt.

You'd taken your mask off for the first time in days- when eating you'd go else where and simply adjust it so you had space to eat.

The twin marks of purple were rather distinctive after all.

Relishing in the morning sunlight the day was offering from your perch in a tree, a slumbering Naruto not far below.

You watched as the guest of honour arrived on silent feet.

You coughed as he bent over Naruto, it was actually funny that he'd missed you at all, then again you had a habit of suppressing your presence unconsciously.

Made it harder for unwanted parties to find you.

Then again, anyone worth their salt wouldn't be bothered to much if pressed.

Said people being worth their salt being actual monsters in comparison to your average bandit or general lowlife bad guy.

Obviously the residence of Konoha had left you with a skewed level of standards.

Naruto had woken up at your laughter and Haku's shock. Your giggling fit lasted longer when Naruto did a double take on your face.

To be fair on Haku's reaction, you weren't sure what was so funny- it could have easily been nerves.

Descending from your place in the tree to reclaim the owl themed mask you may or may not have dropped in your revelry- drat it had a crack in it- you watch the two start their conversation.

"-oh don't mind Ronin-san!-"

"-What are you doing out here and all of that-?"

"Herbs?-"

It doesn't really surprise you when Naruto ropes you into helping pick the dark green shoots Haku happened to be hunting for.

"I didn't expect to find anyone-"

"I'm training!"

"-I noticed that headband— or was it a fashion statement-"

You sit comfortably to the side, silently laughing, all to happy to let this snippet of events run its course.

It's funny actually, people think of all these things they'd do if given the chance. Yet here you are, doing practically nothing.

Besides, Naruto seemed happy with his conversation. No need to butt into more of his time, even if it's been more him harassing you-

"What do you mean precious?!"

At that you tune back in and on a lark chime in with your own nugget of information.

"It means your more likely to be stronger when wishing to protect something or someone important to you" glancing up you see the duo have turned out to stare at to you, one unreadable, the other in deep thought.

"A genuine strength"

Naruto at your words perks up with a grin before saying that he understood.

Haku smiles, genuinely you note, he'd yet to make a move to leave, nodding to the both of you before telling Naruto he'd be strong-

_Little did they know,Naruto's power offriendship was OP._

.......does this mean either Haku is particularly at fault for Naruto's.. Naruto'ness? That or the kid banked on it all long before anyone else did.

You never want to face Haku in poker, ever.

"-Oh by the way

- _I'm a boy"_

Naruto screams

You _cackle_.

It was with a confidence and weightless high of your good mood that you at fuel to the fire.

"You and be both kid-"

Naruto squawks

"What?! But you didn't say anything-"

It took something close to five minutes for Naruto's mind to reassert itself. He did end up apologising for all the times he called you a girl. This pleased you quite a bit

Haku watched the interaction with quiet amusement- taking your place as the silent watcher as you explain pronouns to a flustered Naruto. You don't really pay too much attention to how he seems to double down on watching you in particular.

You didn't say it out-loud but Naruto was going to be in for a surprise when he figures out just how many " _pretty_ " boys he was going to meet in the future. Might be something in the water supply- or the air.

——————

Coincidently this is how Sasuke finds the three of you.

Naruto, though smiling despite it all, being cheerfully tormented by two rando's.

He barely realised who you were until he recognised the outfit you were always draped in.

He glares at Haku.

Mask firmly back in place and Haku bid fair well you leave, Sasuke lightly scolding Naruto for missing breakfast.

Aww, he cares in his own angsty little way.

Naruto seems to realise this too as he starts grinning, barely dodging a half hearted swipe at his head from the offending would be goth.

—————

You'd say all is well after watching Naruto and Sasuke climb trees one finally time but that instinctive "ah shit" Kakashi keeps drawing out of you hits once again

For the hundredth time this week you strangle the teen girl inside of you and lock it in a box.

_No simping for the scarecrow man- at least not yet-_

_You want to survive if he ever sees your face first._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember you can find me and some art on tumblr at https://samurairin.tumblr.com/


End file.
